Monday, July 27, 2009

Happy Birthday to my dad

Today would have been my dad's 77th birthday. He died nearly 12 years ago, before he even had a chance to grow old. I think of him often, and miss him dearly. Most milestones - his birthday, holidays, the date of his death - pass by with a peaceful calm feeling, knowing he is still here with me, and that one day I shall meet him again.

I'm not sure why, but today its hard - really hard - to miss him. Its nearly 2 a.m. and I'm sitting quietly in the dark, thinking of him, and praying for the strength to get through the day without the deep, engulfing sobs that I feel wrapping their hands around my throat.

I'm lonely for him. He was such a good father.


In The Light

A shadow of joy flickers; it is me.
I told you I wouldn't leave.
My spirit is with you.
My memories, my thoughts
are embedded deep in your heart.
I still love you.
Do not for one moment think
that you have been abandoned.
I am in the Light.

In the corner, in the hall,
the car, the yard
These are the places
I stay with you.

My spirit rises every
time you pray for me,
but my energy comes closer to you.
Love does not diminish,
it grows stronger.

I am the feather
that finds you in the yard,
The dimmed light
that grows brighter in your mind,
I place our memories for you to see.
We lived in our special way,
a way that now has its focus changed.

I still miss you
and long for the
many words of prayer
and good fortune for my soul.
I am in the Light.

As you struggle to adjust without me,
I watch silently.
Sometimes I summon up
all the strength of my new world
to make you notice me.
I show you that I am here, and you feel me.
Called to you by your grief,
I try to impress my love deeper
into your consciousness.

As you should, I call out
to the Heavens for help.
You should know that
My soul is now healthy.
Your love sends me new found energy.
I am adjusting to this new world.
I am with you and I am in the Light.

Please don't feel bad
that you can't see me.
I am with you wherever you go.
I protect you,
just as you protected me
so many times.
Talk to me and somehow
I will find a way to answer you.

Whatever your question,
whatever your fear,
I will hear you
I will see you with my new eyes.
I am learning to help wherever you are,
wherever I am needed.
This can be done
because I am in the Light.

When you feel despair,
reach out to me.
I will come.
My love for you truly does
transcend from Heaven to Earth.

Finish your life with the enthusiasm
and zest that you had when we were
together in the physical sense.
You owe this to me, but more importantly,
you owe it to yourself.

Live life for both of us.

I am with you because I love you
and I am in the Light.

---Author Unknown---


luvmypeanut said...

Hugs Betsy! I know your dad is with you today!

Mauzy said...

I feel for you, and your loss. I think that losing a Dad gains more pain as the years pass. At least it has for me. Hugs.

Laura said...

(((hugs))) Bets....sadly I do know how you feel! :(

Your dad sounds like he was an awesome man......please know that he is with you always.

Tara Marie said...

Thinking of you and your Dad....what a beautiful post to a wonderful man. I have to tell you that I think of your father on the road your stories and fond memories you had shared with us of those vacations is what has stayed with me.

That loneliness is such a difficult feeling. Hugs to you my friend.

Sydney and Darrah said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
All 4 My Gals said...

I so wish that I lived close to you so that I could have hugged you on this day when you missed your father so desperately.

I have missed you a lot lately! Randy brought the girls down last weekend and Kay came with them. Things went okay. The girls start school next week, I hope that gives me time again to blog and keep up with you. I love you!

(that was me above... Darrah had signed on.)

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