So, today I felt like I had been thrust into a time machine, and totally flung backward nearly a year.
Normally, that would be a good thing - who wouldn't welcome the chance to re-live a year over again?
Admittedly, though, this news has come with a heavy sigh, a resignation, and a lot of self-talk to myself about digging my heels in, pulling myself up by my bootstraps, and jumping in again.
Paige saw her orthopedic surgeon today. Her hip is heeling well, although it is taking some time. She is walking with just a bit of assistance - she can walk holding my hand. She doesn't have a lot of stamina, and is definitely still very stiff. As expected, she is literally learning to walk all over again. The best way I could describe her ability to walk is "hobbling along" a few feet at a time.
One thing that is really amazing is that, for the first time ever, she is able to walk with her left foot flat on the floor. Since she began walking, her ankles and knees have turned in so badly that she was walking on just the inside of her feet, with her ankle bones nearly touching the floor. There is a marked improvement in her left foot.
However, her x-rays show that her right hip is in very bad shape - it was dislocated in the xray. So, we are now again on the "waiting list" for a surgery date - one that will happen some time in the next 6 months.
I knew this was coming, but I guess I put it out of my mind or something. I really expected to go and see him, and to have him say, 'come back in six months and we'll talk about the other hip. He didn't.
What he said is that he feels he has only a short window of time to fix her hip...as puberty hits, and she grows, her pelvis will change and it will become more difficult to perform this surgery.
So, here we go again....
I'm a rush of emotions - that night of the surgery is NOT one I ever, ever, ever want to re-live again. I never want to see my child in that kind of pain again. I don't want to hurt her little spirit, and by not being able to explain to her what is going to happen, I'm afraid that will happen. She'll be devastated to wake up in that stupid cast again. Once again, she will have to drag that thing around again for at least four months...not able to sit up or stand up or do anything really.
At the same time, I can't wait for it to finally, finally, finally be behind us. I can't wait to get to the point where we are not waiting on something dreadful to happen.
The times in her life when we haven't been waiting on the "next" thing have been small compared to the times when we have. Tonight I'm feeling melancholy and a bit sorry for myself and for her.
I know to be grateful - I know that "it could be worse" - much worse, and I know how incredibly blessed we are that we have people who can help her to get better.
I guess I had my hopes up for a nice uneventful year ahead, lol.
To top that all off, I am having some medical problems as well, and have been feeling really yucky lately. More than likely, I will need to address these problems and get them fixed - and somehow find a time to squeeze that in between now and surgery day.
So, the countdown begins again. Yahoo.